New Year Thoughts

2009 promises to be a good year for writing. For one, the global economic meltdown translates into a much lighter workload in my day job. I'm also, at long last and after much physical therapy/working out, in a really good place from a physical standpoint--my back, you see, it had a bit of a meltdown in the summer of 2007.

So here I sit with time and a solid sense of direction for The Keeper, a story I've been working on for two years.

Nevertheless, anxiety eats at me while I wonder if I have it in me to finish this book. I'm afraid I'm no good at this and that I should just stick to the day job, which I am good at and which makes money. I'm afraid that even if I do pour myself into this novel and polish it to my sense of perfection, no agent will want to represent it and no one will want to buy it.

Truthfully, I'm not usually this insecure about things in life. I've achieved a lot in my career, which is downright stressful and a profession which many people can't hack. I'm smart, and I know it. I can read craft books and integrate the learning into my writing. I can brainstorm plotlines like nobody's business. Ideas for romance novels flow through my brain like someone has turned on the firehose. But it's not enough to give me an innate sense that becoming a writer is something I can achieve. Perhaps the problem is that the stakes really matter on an emotional level for me. I care about being good at my day job, but writing is about being good at something that's part of my soul. Dangerous territory indeed. We'll see how it goes.